Category Archives for "Relationships"

Here is where I get to give you my take on what relationships are like & maybe how to make them better!

When Words Get in the Way… How Silence Can Be Gold…in Your Negotiations!

“When Words Get in the Way… How Silence Can Be Gold…in Your Negotiations!”

By Tony Pearl

“Blah blah blah…”

That’s what we mostly hear sometimes when we’re dealing with

people. (Or is it WE are the ones saying ‘blah blah blah’?) 

In either case, I’ve noticed something lately. Let’s see if you recognize it, too…

You’re talking to somebody about their house, and when you ask them to describe their situation, they just seem to go on & on about how wonderful the house is OR how terrible what their Uncle Lou just did, or how their health is failing, etc.

And that’s when we come up with a one-word thought: “Bor-ing!”

Who cares!? Just get to the numbers! Am I right??

But wait a minute… There’s actually something very important in what they’re telling us.

If you really listen intently, you can hear it.

What? What is it? What could be so bloody

important about their medical bills that they cause you to have to stay on the phone an extra minute or two (Or twenty) and miss part of your next reality show?

Well, quite possibly everything! Believe it or not, they’re actually giving you the secrets to selling them! Or buying their house from them, if that’s what you’re trying to do.

While I’m not advocating that you just totally be quiet & let them dominate the conversation (you’ll never get off the phone that way!), I would suggest that you lead the conversation BUT make sure that you LISTEN to exactly what they’re saying when they respond to your answers.

Listen. Too often we, as the so-called ‘professional’ will open our mouths to fill in the ‘awkward’ gaps in conversation, when instead, a moment or two of silence will work to your advantage. TRUST ME!

To illustrate my point, let me tell you about a deal I did a few years ago that lead me to getting a house totally free & clear for FREE! Just because I SHUT UP when I otherwise would have talked & therefore ruined the whole thing…

There was a gentleman facing foreclosure that was referred to me by one of my bank contacts. He owed about $63,000 between the first & second mortgages, both held by the same bank.

After speaking with him, he indicated that he just wanted to get rid of the house & move on with his life.
I let him tell me all about his situation, and this let him feel very comfortable with me & what I proposed to do.

Believe me, I was sooooo tempted to stop him a few times to ‘get back to the numbers.’  He kept going on & on about his house & his situation.  I recall feeling like I was about to fall asleep on more than one occasion.

BUT if I had not had the chance to listen to how he had raised his family in the house, I never would have established the right rapport with him which later lead to the beautiful thing that happened… (Stay tuned).  So I slapped myself awake & kept listening.

Next, I spoke to the bank & made a discounted offer on the mortgages. Because of the location & condition of the house, along with my presentation of my case & the bank’s motivation, they accepted my offer.

What was my offer? For only $5,000 total for both mortgages!

They say that even a blind squirrel can occasionally find a nut.

Since I was still a relatively new investor at that time, I may have not done things perfectly.

You’ll see why in a second.

When the bank accepted my offer, they also let the owner know that they were doing so for only $5,000. I didn’t know that, so when I talked to him to get the next step set up, he surprised me when he said, “Tony, the bank let me know that they’ve accepted the offer for the $5,000.”

I was about to answer him back to let him know how I’d be handling

things, but instead remained silent.

Call it a hunch or intuition, but something just told

me to keep my big mouth shut.

Thank God I did! Because what he said next shocked me!

He told me, “I just want to let you know that I can pay that within a couple weeks.”!!!


I literally had to bite my tongue for a moment, then calmly said, “Ok. We need to get together to take care of some paperwork. When would be good for you – tomorrow or Thursday?” (I hoped he couldn’t hear me jumping up & down!)

It gets better! When we finally got together to take care of the deed, power of attorney, etc. (Yeah, this should have been one of the first things we did, but I told you I was new at the time!), I had told him to bring all his paperwork with him regarding the house.

As I was going through the papers, I noticed a delinquent tax lien on the house that totaled about $1,000.

Of course, this had to be paid somehow, sooooo…

I decided to test my ‘new powers’ of silence in a negotiation. When I came across this paper, I just held it up & looked at him with a questioning look on my face.

And it worked! Within only 2-3 seconds of ‘uncomfortable’ silence, he said, “uhhh… I can pay that, too.”

Yes! This means that I now owned this house totally free and clear…and it didn’t cost me a PENNY! Well, I take it back, I did buy his wife & him a couple chicken sandwiches for dinner. Hey, it was the least I could do, right? 

I have never forgotten the lesson I learned that day. Even now, I have found that by keeping my big mouth shut & listening more, I have been able to negotiate some sweet deals in both business & life.

Human nature never ceases to amaze me when people think that silence is bad, so they have to fill it with unneeded goobly-dee-gook & words in a conversation!

But why not try it for yourself. The next time you’re in rapport with someone in a conversation, try just being a little more quiet during some key moments.

I can almost guarantee that the other person

will try to fill in those ‘spaces’ in conversation with unneeded words.

It’s amazing!

Next, keep this in mind when you’re in a negotiation with someone.

Again, the true success of this depends on you having already established rapport with them.

And how do you do that? By LISTENING to them! (Among other things, which I’ll happily cover in a future post)

Take mental note of what they say.

You can use it to your mutual advantage later.

When they ask you a question, stay silent for a

moment & watch the magic happen!

• Here’s your million-dollar tip:

When you’re talking to a seller (or buyer), just ask them,

“What can you tell me about your situation?”

And then… (pardon me for being blunt) SHUT UP & LISTEN!!!

If you pay attention to what they tell you & not just ‘glaze over’, they will quite literally give you the keys to their house, putting untold wealth in your pockets!

Silence IS golden.

And the right use of it can bring you untold riches!

At the very least, it’ll help give you some peace & quiet…from yourself!  LOL

Finally, a wise man once said that “it is better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool
than to open it and remove all doubt.”

Lesson learned.

To Your Negotiations,


BIO: Tony Pearl lives & invests in the Washington, D.C. area.
Before he started investing in real
estate, he was a professional Ballroom & Latin Dance Instructor, Competitor, Exhibitor, etc. of 18 years.
Having success in both these fields, he began to see just how similar they are & used his experiences as a dance teacher in his real estate transactions
to have fun helping others make money!
You can see his Home-Buying Website at: